


(Don't) Turn It Off

by NoThanks1832



Category: Book of Mormon
Genre: Elder McKinley - Freeform, Gay, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, The Book of Mormon - Freeform, elder price - Freeform, mcpricely - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-09-01 04:40:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16758139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoThanks1832/pseuds/NoThanks1832
Summary: Elder McKinley is trying his best to be straight. However, this turns out to be difficult due to Kevin Price revealing his shared feelings for him.





	1. Denial

**Author's Note:**

> I took this off my Wattpad account, because why not. I did write this though.

Kevin Price's first introduction to the mission group was- interesting to say the least. It started off normal, but once the whole tap dance scene started, Kevin had his doubts with the sanity of the group. Specifically Elder McKinley. Elder McKinley was the mission leader and was interesting as well. He was most likely the one to have choreographed the whole dance number, as he was quite pleased with how it came out. But what was most interesting was when Elder McKinley told Kevin that he was gay. Kevin didn't see it as too much of a problem, Elder McKinley was doing his best to keep it under control. Sure, he wasn't doing too well with it, but he was trying.

But now, with the group breaking off from the church, Elder McKinley was different. It wasn't a sudden change, it was gradual. Kevin was a tad surprised, he had thought when they broke off from the church Elder McKinley would perhaps stop his inner homophobia and be himself, but the opposite happened.

The day Kevin noticed what was happening, only a few days into it, He had been reading in the mission group's house's living room late one night. Most of the other Elders had already gone to bed (They weren't used to the lack of a sleep schedule yet), Actually it was just Elder McKinley, Elder Price, and most likely Elder Poptarts (although he wasn't in the living room, he was most likely in his room because he just goes to sleep later). Elder McKinley had walked into the living room to get to his room.

"Hello Elder McKinley. What were you doing outside?" Kevin asked, recognizing the footsteps. He heard a sigh and a shuffle of feet, but no answer. "Everything okay?"

"Yes- yes... I was just- uh, clearing my head."

Kevin nodded. "Were you having the thoughts again?" He had put his book down by now.

"Kevin!" Elder McKinley snapped. "I am not like that anymore! I'm not gay!"

"Elder McKinley, it's okay if you are-"

McKinley clenched his fists. "No, it isn't okay. You are out of your goshdarned mind if you think that it is."

Kevin got up and walked over to McKinley. "I'm not out of my... Elder McKinley?"

Elder McKinley's expression vanished into a blank slate. Then a single tear ran down McKinley's face. "Why am I like this?" He mumbled. "Why? I try so hard to be normal, to not be a homosexual. I just want to be normal Kevin" Another tear. "I can't though. I've tried. I should be disgusted with these thoughts of mine, but-but I'm not. Why?" He began to silently cry.

Thrown off guard by the sudden change in emotion, Kevin didn't really know how to effectively comfort him. "Don't cry... You wouldn't want to wake the others."

"Why Kevin, why can't I be normal?" He repeated.

"Elder McKinley, I can't answer that. I'm not you."

Elder McKinley grasped Kevin's shoulders. "But you got over your homosexuality! How?"

"I'm not- I wasn't ever gay." Kevin corrected. Elder McKinley's facial expression changed and Kevin added, "Or at least I don't think I am. I could still try to help you. Tomorrow of course."

Elder McKinley smiled "Thank you."

Kevin nodded. "Anything for you."

"Th- Thank you." McKinley's face had turned red. Embarrassed about his blushing, he ran to his room.

 _He's a hopeless cause,_ Kevin thought to himself. He knew that Elder McKinley had feelings for him, but he'd thought that they'd disappear. And Elder Price did have feelings for Elder McKinley, but those feelings had passed long ago. Elder McKinley was the only man Elder Price had ever had feelings for, or rather the only person Elder Price had ever had feelings for.

The difference that Kevin noticed about Elder McKinley was that Elder McKinley usually didn't really look for help against his homosexuality. Kevin wondered why McKinley was becoming so desperate.

Kevin promptly went to bed following these events, and to his relief, Elder McKinley's initial shouting hadn't woken the others.

In the morning, Elder McKinley was back to his cheerful self. Actually, he was more energetic than usual (If that was even possible). He was just informing the other Elders about today plans, which were that there were no plans.

"Elder Price?" McKinley called.

"Yes?"

He practically skipped over to Kevin. "Could we talk in private?"

Kevin nodded and walked with him outside. They kept walking until they were both far from the 'house'. _Elder McKinley probably just doesn't want this conversation to be heard,_ Kevin thought. Out of nowhere, they stopped walking.

McKinley turned to Kevin. "What did you do to cure your gayness? Tell me!" He pleaded.

Kevin took a step back. "I haven't cured it."

"Oh."

"Because I doubt I was ever 'gay'." Kevin finished. "I've only had gay thoughts once-"

"How did you get over them? Tell me please!"

How could Kevin ever tell him without saying that he once had feelings for McKinley?

"It was one time, I just... realized he wouldn't... um, return my feelings."

McKinley laughed. "Of course- I forgot. You're okay with gay people. Obviously, you wouldn't purposefully stop your homosexual thoughts. Oh, I'm such an idiot..." He rambled on for a little while longer before stopping and asking, "Who was it?".

"Just- just an old friend."

McKinley nodded. His face went as cold as a stone.

"Is everything okay Elder McKinley?"

"Yes." He said, quickly snapping back to reality.

"You've been different since we've been on our own."

McKinley laughed awkwardly. "Well, that's certainly strange."

"You have something on your mind Elder McKinley."

"No shit Sherlock!" McKinley lashed out. "I've been trying to control my gayness for so long now and now- and now with us being on our own I don't know whether I can be myself or not."

"You can-"

"No! I can't! Homosexuality is disgusting and I hate myself for it. I'd give anything to be straight. I-I'd even cut my own arm off-"

"Elder McKinley that's a bit extreme."

McKinley began to cry. "Imagine your parents hate you, you're not allowed to love, you have no friends, and those horrendous hell dreams are nightly! I can't stand another minute of it! Even if I was okay with myself and found love, I can't marry whoever he is!"

Kevin sat down at the boulder he walked to while McKinley was talking and patted next to him, to ask him to sit down next to him. "Come and sit with me," he called.

McKinley obeyed.

"Wasn't it yesterday when you said that you weren't disgusted with your homosexuality? Why is it different today?"

"I'm not disgusted with my thoughts, Kevin, that's the issue. I should be- but I'm not."

"Elder McKinley, you're gay. You can't do anything about it. Saying you aren't is just lying to yourself."

"I know." McKinley paused. "Maybe it's because my mind thinks that I like men, but in reality, I don't- but only think I do because I haven't done anything with a man. Like if you say you like spiders, but when you finally meet one it's awful."

"I doubt-"

McKinley quickly turned to Kevin and pulled him in for a kiss. However, McKinley parted quickly. "No no no no- this is wrong."

Kevin was speechless.

"I'm so sorry! I should have warned you. I-I shouldn't have-" Began McKinley.

"It's fine."

McKinley's crying increased. "I didn't hate it. I really am a freak aren't I?"

"You aren't a freak."

"Sure I am. I just kissed a man for the first time."

"Same here. That doesn't make me a freak though."

"But I enjoyed the kiss," McKinley explained as he wiped his tears away. "That's the issue, Kevin."

"So did I." Stated Kevin.

He regretted what he said almost immediately _._

_Oh god, of all things I could have said, why that?? Sure it was true, but why???_

McKinley got up and slowly backed away from Kevin. "You aren't going to help me with getting over this problem of mine. I'm sorry Kevin, I'd love to spend this time with you- but, you're aren't good for me."

"Elder McKinley-"

"And stop calling me that!" Interrupted McKinley. "We're not elders anymore, the church disowned us. You should learn to just accept it." He hesitated. "I-I'm sorry Kevin. I'm just upset." McKinley began to breathe heavily. "I try so hard to be straight..."

Kevin got up to McKinley and patted him on the shoulder. "I know Elder McKinley. Let's just get back to the mission house, you're starting to panic."

McKinley nodded. "Okay."

The two then made their way to the house. Neither of them said a word to each other on the way. That was until they went inside.

"I'm sorry, but could you leave?" McKinley asked.

Kevin who had just sat down was disappointed, to say the least. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

"You like me- don't you?"

"W-what?" Kevin stuttered, standing up. "What do you mean?"

McKinley smiled. "I knew it." He suddenly frowned, correcting himself.

"Eld-- ...McKinley, why don't you be yourself, I really don't understand. It's not like anyone here will abandon you, we all know. I'm one-hundred percent sure that we'll still think the same of you, if not better. I'd be so happy, I don't think you know how much your self-destructiveness kills me. I care about you, McKinley. I really do."

McKinley's face went red. "Please stop Kevin."

"McKinley, that 'old friend' I mentioned was you. But I lied, I do still have feelings for you."

"I can't be with you. It's not right, two men being in a relationship together. Even if....-- Not to mention that they could kill you for it."

Kevin quickly pulled McKinley into his arms. He pressed his face into McKinley's neck.

"Kevin- please."

He let go, not wanting to upset McKinley.

He mumbled"I do like you Kevin. A lot actually-," McKinley grew louder. "I'm sorry- I know I've only known you for around a year, but- I can't help it. I've tried to stop, trust me. I-"

Kevin cut McKinley off with a kiss. McKinley didn't pull away, quite the opposite actually, he kissed back. The kiss wasn't at all perfect, but it was to McKinley. He had been waiting for a real kiss for forever now. But like all good things, it had to end eventually.

"Oh god," McKinley said.

Kevin panicked. "McKinley- I'm sorry, I shouldn't have surprised you with that."

"I've been so close- _so close,_ Kevin, to being normal. I actually didn't have a hell dream one-night last week. They're going to worsen Kevin! Thanks to you and-" McKinley took a deep breath. "No. I still have to be nice and remain positive. You were just overcome with homosexuality for a moment, it happens. Just learn to control your emotions, control them and destroy them. It's for the best."

"'For the best'? are you even hearing yourself? Best for who? I know it's not you. You're tearing yourself apart from the inside. Can't you see it?" Kevin placed a hand on McKinley's shoulder.

McKinley hesitated for a moment, pondering whether or not to remove Kevin's hand. However, he quickly brushed away the thought and smacked Kevin's hand away with an overcome anger. "Shut the hell up Kevin! Since when have you known what's best? You've had a book shoved up your ass, just because you were blind with 'what was the best thing to do.' Or maybe, you could mind your own business! Has that even seemed like a possibility or... I did it again. I'm sorry, I need to be kind."

"When will you just accept that you're gay? Everyone knows that you are gay, so it's not a secret. America is becoming more accepting of people like us, I bet gay marriage will be legal sometime soon. Canada even legalized gay marriage like six years ago. I'm sure even the most religious people are accepting too if that's what you're concerned about."

"In Uganda, I heard being gay is punishable by death," McKinley added with a fake cheeriness in his voice.

"Maybe. But we don't live here. Once our time here is done, then we go back home... I won't see you after that- will I? How much longer will we be on this trip?"

"As long as we'd like."

Kevin moved closer. "How long will you be staying?"

McKinley shrugged. "Not much longer. My parents want me back soon. They don't trust me being alone with a lot of boys in a different country. I've never had sex with anyone, definitely not with a group of boys, but my parents just want to keep me safe."

"We could live together. You'd be free from the control of others, you can be you."

McKinley moved away from Kevin. "What you're suggesting is wrong. I told you: Two men in a relationship is bad. Living together is even worse."


	2. Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long!! (also haha I did technically post it on a Friday, it's just really late at night ((11:58))

Kevin, Elder Cunningham, and Elder Poptarts were all sitting at the living room table. It was morning, so they were eating their breakfast. (To no one's surprise) Elder Poptarts was eating a package of expired Poptarts (they were still from when he first came to Uganda), Elder Cunningham was eating... ...something resembling toast, and Kevin was just drinking a coffee. It was a normal morning for everyone. 

"McKinley?" Kevin called, seeing McKinley walk past them. He thought perhaps this time McKinley would respond, but he was wrong. Ever since yesterday, McKinley had been ignoring Kevin all morning. "McKinley?"

McKinley, who had just been passing the table, sped up upon hearing his name called again.

"I've never seen him so cold before." Elder Poptarts commented. "I wonder what's bothering him."

Kevin sighed and took another sip of his coffee. "I wonder..." He mumbled into his cup.

Elder Poptart's eyes lit up. "You know!" He leaned towards Kevin. "Tell me!"

"Yeah!" Added Elder Cunningham. "Tell us!"

"I don't want to talk about it. Okay?"

"I KNEW IT!!!" Elder Poptarts stood up. "SOMETHING'S GOING ON-"

"Shhh. Please quiet down," Kevin asked. "Nothing's going on between me and McKinley, okay?"

"Aw. Too bad."

"'Too bad'? What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Well, ever since the people of Uganda started their own religion based off of Elder Cunningham's teachings, it's gotten so boring here. We need the drama in our lives." Explained Elder Poptarts. "Half of the other Elders left anyways."

"Plus you two have been really obviously into each other since you guys met." Added Elder Cunningham.

"I thought you two were against homosexuals?" Kevin stated.

Elder Poptarts put down his food. "Nah. I just go along with Elder McKinley to make him feel better. Although I don't know about the other Elders, they might be homophobic."

"Still. McKinley hates me."

"I think he still likes you. He's just upset about his feelings."

"Does this happen a lot?"

"A lack of sleep can make him upset and irrational." Elder Poptarts noticed Kevin's look of question. "The hell dreams." He explained.

Kevin nodded, he remembered his own and they were awful. He couldn't imagine how bad they'd be for someone like McKinley. "Poor guy. How often does he get them?"

"Around 5 times a week, or so he's told me." Elder Poptarts sighed. "It must be horrible."

_Holy shit, that's nearly every day._ "It sounds awful. I feel so bad."

"I doubt it's your fault." Elder Poptarts moved forwards in his chair. "On a lighter note, how long have you two been together?"

Kevin shook his head. "We're not- we aren't dating." He took another sip of his coffee. "I wish we could. I've never dated a man before- I've never dated anyone, and anyways it could be interesting. I did like him for a while, then I guess the homophobic energy of everything here just kinda got to me. But McKinley, as you two have probably noticed, his internalized homophobia is so much worse. Remember when the church abandoned us? McKinley tried so hard to be himself, but all of that bullshit was so engraved into his head that... Oh, sorry Elder Poptarts, I forgot."

"It's okay, I'm just not used to hearing swears."

"Sorry." Kevin then continued, "Anyways, that was just so awful to watch, at least for me, to just see him tear himself apart so much. So I guess I just- distanced myself. But yesterday, McKinley and I kissed, but he got really upset, and now he hates me. Oh! And that's not it! Apparently, McKinley is leaving soon too!"

"What? Elder McKinley's leaving?"

"Apparently his parents want him back so he isn't doing anything behind their backs."

"You should talk to him."

Kevin put his coffee cup down on the table and stood up. "He won't talk to me. I told you- he's mad at me."

"Well..... let me talk to him, to... to trick him into talking with you."

Kevin sat back down. He was too tired to argue. "What's the worst that could happen? Anyways yeah, that'll work. Just let me finish my coffee first." Kevin picked his coffee cup back up.

"No- don't finish it. People's breath stinks after coffee."

Kevin took a large gulp of coffee while fiercely holding eye contact with Elder Poptarts.

"Well, I already started drinking it... can't change the future. It's not like I'm going to be doing anything with my mouth other than talking, so I can just eat some mints."

"Well maybe if things go well between you and McKinley-"

"Elder Poptarts!" Kevin interrupted. _What was he implying? Well, I know what- but is that even a possibility._ _I've kissed McKinley, but that's different than... that. How does that even work between men? Where would-_ Kevin's thoughts trailed off.

"I was only implying a kiss. Not _a_ blowjob."

"Kevin wow did you always have such a dirty mind?" Elder Cunningham said.

Kevin put his face in his hand. "Oh shut up you two." He snapped.

"You really should talk to him." Added Elder Poptarts.

"I know I should, but-" Kevin began. "Elder Poptarts, what about your plan?"

"JUST TALK TO HIM!"

"But my coffee." He stalled.

"Kevin!"

"Okay Okay. But if things go bad, don't be surprised." Kevin said as he walked over to McKinley's room. He opened McKinley's door. It creaked open slowly to reveal McKinley just sitting on his bed, staring off into space.

"Hi." Kevin smiled. He hesitated coming into the room.

McKinley quickly looked up and out of his trance-like state. "Oh- Hello."

"Can I come in?"

McKinley shifted on his bed. "Sure."

"About yesterday, I'm really sorry. I really don't want you to hate me or anything-"

McKinley's expression softened. "I don't hate you."

"Why have you been ignoring me then?"

It tensed up again. "So how was your coffee?" McKinley asked, changing the subject.

"McKinley."

McKinley turned away. "I don't want to talk about it. About yesterday."

"Why is homosexuality so bad for you?"

He hunched over. "Please leave."

"McKinley."

McKinley turned back around. "I _really_ don't want to talk about this."

"Okay, but-"

"I like you Kevin. Is that what you want me to say? Well, you're going to have to deal with the fact that I don't want to. Don't take it personally, I'd still love to be your friend, but we can't be anything more."

He was surprisingly calm.

"McKinley, while I respect your opinion, I just don't believe that that is what you truly want. You are gay. Sure, you don't have to be with me. But one day or another, you're either going to be alone your entire life, which I'm sure you don't want, or in an unhappy marriage with a wife you never wanted. People are much more accepting nowadays, I'm sure in a few years it'll be even better. And if you're worried that the other elders will get upset, I asked a few, and they said that they were okay with gay people. McKinley, we only want the best for you."

In a fit of anger, McKinley ripped a pillow off his bed, perhaps to help him compose himself. "I want to be straight. I am straight! I always have been, and I forever will be. This-" McKinley gestured at himself, "-is only a phase. It's just a bump in my path to a perfect, happy life. I'm getting over it and-"

"You aren't over it."

McKinley ignored Kevin. "...And you aren't helping. It's bad enough I'm having gay thoughts, now I have to deal with another gay man making them worse. Every time I see you it's like nails on a chalkboard. I can't stand it. I want to leave here, to go back to my normal life. To go back home with my parents, I can go to my therapy, and all will be good once again."

"Therapy?" _It better not be hurting him. I know how therapy to make a gay person straight can be very bad._

"Yes. To help with the phase along with other things."

"This therapy isn't harmful, is it? Mentally or Physically."

"Of course not Kevin! It's just to make me normal... Anyways, my parents would never send me to a place that harmed me. The therapy helps bring out my straight side through criticism. It's very helpful, I suggest you go to it. It might help you too. Although, I haven't gone in a while."

A weight was lifted off Kevin's shoulders. _Oh good, It's been a while. Perhaps I can still convince him to be himself._ "Being gay isn't bad."

"Sure it is."

_Ugh, he is SO stubborn._ "Why?" Kevin asked, keeping his frustration within.

"Love was meant to be between a man and a woman. And according to-"

"Use your own mind. Don't quote things. Tell me in your own words."

McKinley fell silent. He looked down and sighed. "I just don't want to be this way. Is that a good enough reason for you."

Changing the subject, Kevin asked: "What's your first name? Unless it is McKinley McKinley."

"It's Connor."

"Connor. What a nice name. Irish."

"Yeah."

"It's strange how I never knew your first name until-"

Connor interrupted, "Can I try again?"

"Hm? Try what again?"

"The kiss."

Kevin sat down next to him. "Connor, we know what happened last time."

"I promise I won't freak out."

Kevin took a step closer to the door. "This just doesn't feel right. You are forcing yourself to do this."

"But I want to! I still don't want to be gay, but I don't want to be alone."

"But-"

"I know, it doesn't make much sense. But I really want to kiss you."

"We can take things slowly if it's better."

Connor nodded. "I guess." He smirked then said. "I still want to kiss though."

Kevin turned a bright red. "We could- we could still do that." He stuttered.

Connor leaned in close to Kevin. "I'm probably going to regret this in the future. Is it weird that I want to do this, but still want to be straight?" He whispered.

"No. Not at all." Yes, it was a little, but there was no point in arguing.

Connor placed his hands on the sides of Kevin's head and pulled him close slowly. Their lips lightly touched, then the kiss deepened. It was a slow kiss, as both were equally nervous about this activity but also the two both enjoyed it.

Kevin then brushed his tongue on the bottom of Connor's lip. He wanted more. However, Kevin could sense Connor was nervous, so he placed one of his own hands on Connor's, trying to help.

Connor quickly flinched back. "Sorry, I don't want to do that."

"Sorry." Kevin apologized.

"It's fine. Maybe in the future we could. Just not now."

The two continued to kiss for a minute or two.

"It's funny." Connor began.

Kevin looked up.

"I didn't hate that," Connor said. He sounded almost shocked. 

They both smiled.

"That's good."

"Could we ever do this again?"

Kevin blushed. "S-sure."

Connor looked down at his watch. "Hey, it's still early. Want to go back to sleep?"

Kevin had caffeine already running through him, but how could he say no to Connor? "Sure."

Connor smiled and pulled down the sheets of his bed. The only issue was, it was a twin bed, so there wasn't much room. "I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all." He replied nervously.

Connor laid down, not bothering to take off his everyday clothes. Kevin joined him.

The two fell asleep pressed against each other. It took Kevin longer to fall asleep, yet somehow he did it.

Perhaps these two would have a happy ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, as I am getting more into Kevin and McKinley's relationship, I realize that I may not get things right as I am a straight guy who has never been in a relationship with another guy, so I have no experience in gay relationships. Nevertheless, I want to create a realistic and believable story, so if I mess up with something just tell me so I can fix it.  
>  And as always, constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!


	3. Not Actually A Chapter- Just Me Saying Some Things

As mentioned in my bio, I am taking a small break- But I will hopefully get back into the swing of writing. I will also be going on a 10-hour bus ride in around a week- which then I will hopefully finish up- or be close to finishing up the real third chapter.


	4. Gossip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'm so sorry for not writing for like forever!

A.N: Mention of sex (so if it makes you uncomfortable just read from the <> to the <> )

(Also- i was thinking of illustrating some bits of the story: should I?)

Connor awoke to something warm pressed against his back. Wait... what is that- Oh yeah, He quickly remembered, Kevin went to sleep with me. How long were we asleep? What time is it? Connor would have looked at his watch but he didn't want to disturb Kevin by moving around too much. Shit, He thought to himself. Well, Kevin is going to wake soon... unless he sleeps for longer. But he did have coffee, so shouldn't he be awake? Or has he been awake this whole time?

Kevin, still asleep, moved closer Connor, his hips pressed tighter on Connor's backside as well. Connor struggled to keep himself on the bed without falling off. "Kevin." He whispered. "Kevin, wake up." Connor then proceeded to lightly jab him with his elbow. "I'm falling off the bed." Kevin still didn't respond. "Kev- Kevin wake up," Connor said a tad louder.

"Sorry." Kevin softly apologized, Connor could hear the tiredness in his voice. Kevin still did not move, however.

"Kevin!" Connor pleaded.

Kevin slowly opened his eyes. "Yes?"

"I'm close to falling off the bed, could you move over a little?"

"Oh!" Kevin said and quickly moved back. "Sorry! I was asleep."

Connor looked at his watch. It was 9:12 AM. "We were asleep for around two and a half hours." He stated.

"Mm. That's cool."

Kevin was very obviously half asleep

"We should probably get up." Suggested Connor

"Yeah, the other Elders might get suspicious." He joked.

Connor smiled weakly, "Yeah. We can't let them know."

Kevin sat up. "Why?"

"I doubt they'll be thrilled with the idea of there being a relationship here."

"Well, what about Elder Cunningham and Nabalungi? They're in a relationship."

"That's different."

Kevin laughed softly. "Only a little."

"Still, I don't want people to know about us. Not yet at least." Connor said as he got off the bed.

"When you're ready."

"Yes."

"Is there an estimation of time or..."

"No. Kevin I'm having trouble even accepting this right now." Connor started. "I've never been in a relationship before, not with a man, and my brain is saying no, but my heart is-"

"We're getting really cliche here."

Connor sighed, "Yes, but you get the idea. I just need more time to get used to being gay, and before you mention it, Kevin, yes I always have been gay I just meant that I need more time to fully accept it."

"I knew that's what you meant."

"I know, you just act like a smartass."

Kevin laughed. "I suppose you're right."

Connor walked to the bedroom door, smoothed out his shirt and put a hand on the doorknob of the bedroom door. "Well, I'm going."

"Okay, I'll be in here."

Connor turned the knob and left the room.

"Hello, Elder Michaels." Greeted Connor, upon walking to the living room, where Elder Micheals was reading.

Elder Michaels's eyes flicked up from his book and quickly moved them back down. "...Hello..." Elder Michaels muttered something under his breath.

Connor slowly nodded and continued to walk. What's his problem? However, he quickly pushed the thought aside and went outside to get fresh air.

Outside was peaceful. The village was bustling with life. A market was up today selling foods, clothes, and other items. Children were playing, their parents watching happily. It was a good day. Only if it were like this every day. Connor watched from a distance. He would go into the village, but there was no point. He already knew everyone in the village, or at least talked to them at one point, and he didn't need to buy anything.

I'll buy something for one of the poorer children. He thought. Perhaps one of the orphans. Then Heavenly Father may consider forgiving me of my sins. No- I should just do it because it'd be nice... not because of Heavenly Father. It's what Heavenly Father would want. I should bring Kevin along, it would make him happy to spread joy.

So Connor turned around and went back inside to find Kevin (and some money). He walked up to the door and opened it.

Kevin was busy ironing his only shirt, therefore he was shirtless. Sure he was wearing the temple garment, but it wasn't exactly what we'd call loose fitting. For some reason, Kevin decided to not buy or borrow another shirt, so every other day he washed and dried and ironed it. Although he already washed and dried it, he just slept in his shirt, so it had to be ironed.

"Hey Connor."

Connor rarely saw his crush nearly shirtless, so he was a little in shock and awe. After all, anyone who has ever seen Kevin Price knows that he is an extremely attractive man.

"Are you okay?" Kevin turned the iron off.

He snapped back to reality. "Yes. I'm fine I was just... spacing out a little."

Kevin let out a small laugh "Sure." He said in a sarcastic tone.

Changing the subject, Connor mentioned how he wanted to go to the market at the village.

"Sounds fun." He started to put his mission outfit back on. "Maybe I could even buy more shirts for myself." He added.

"I doubt they sell our type shirts. The closest we could probably find is a white t-shirt."

"Well, I doubt we need to wear our mission outfits anymore."

"Oh," Connor said, closing the door behind him, finally walking into the room fully and sitting down on Kevin's bed. "I never really thought about that."

"It'll be fun! We'd be supporting the villagers! And getting new clothes."

"New clothes will be good for you. You have only one shirt." Connor stated. "Some man had their blood splattered all over it."

"Oh thanks for reminding me of that, it's another reason for me to get new shirts." Kevin sat down next to Connor.

Connor moved a little farther away as a reflex. "Sorry!" He said quickly. "Old habits."

"Connor it's fine," Kevin reassured

Connor was about to argue but decided against it. Instead, he took Kevin's wallet out of Kevin's pocket. "We should get going before lunch." He waved the wallet around a little.

Kevin grabbed his wallet back and put it back in his pocket. "I don't have too much money in here, probably enough for only a few shirts for the each of us."

"I'll pay for some." Connor offered

"You have money?"

"Yes, I have money."

Kevin patted Connor of the shoulder and got up. "Ready to go?"

Connor quickly got up and followed Kevin out the door.

On their way out, Elder Davis was staring at them (very obviously trying to be discrete, but was failing horrendously.) for reasons beyond the two's knowledge.

Once they got out, Connor began to speak.

"Could we hold hands?"

Kevin opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it.

"What's wrong?" A twinge of disappointment could be heard in Connor's voice. "Was it something-"

"No no, you didn't do anything," Kevin interrupted. "I just read something about Uganda a while ago."

Connor knew full well what it was going to be, but he still asked: "What was it?"

"Homosexual acts or anything like that is illegal. I think the article even said it was even punishable by death."

Just about what I expected. Connor thought. "Oh." Was what he said.

"But don't let that ruin our fun day!"

"Shopping isn't that fun-"

"Shush. I need new clothes and I'm excited. Anyways this was all your idea." Interrupted Kevin. "Where's the fun-loving Connor McKinley I know and love?"

"Here. But-"

"No buts- we're leaving for the market." Kevin grabbed Connor's wrist and excitedly pulled him there.

"Kevin- loosen your grip a little," Connor complained.

Kevin quickly let go. "Sorry."

"It's fine. I've done the same." He gave a smile to be reassuring.

Kevin smiled back. "Well, we're here."

The two began to look around. They went through the food section and bought some vegetables and bread. Nearly immediately they found people to give it to. Then, much to Kevin's joy, they went to the clothing section.

"Connor, what do you think?" Kevin held a light pink t-shirt that had an orange decal on it up to him. "You like pink right?"

Connor was in the middle of buying one of the beaded necklaces a woman was selling but turned to see Kevin. He held a thumb up to him and quickly finished the purchase.

Kevin bought the shirt along with a few others with different designs. Connor, on the other hand, only bought the necklace.

"Let's get going," Kevin suggested.

"Sure." 

As they left Connor let his hand brush against Kevin's hand. Kevin held it, but loosely, as if he was worried about hurting Connor again. Or as if he were worried about offending him again.

Still, Connor felt... strangely happy about holding hands with Kevin, even if it was probably the weakest grip in the universe. Shit, I'm actually gay. And I think I might have a boyfriend. Realized Connor. It'll be hard, but I think I just have to accept it. My own happiness is more important than what my parents think.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Kevin asked.

"I'm gay." Connor held Kevin's hand tighter.

"Con- I know that."

Connor let go. "Should I come out? How do I do that? What do I do?"

Kevin placed a hand on Connor's should. "You're asking the wrong person, I've never done it. Ever."

That's just fucking great. Connor scowled.

"But...But I'll still help you." Kevin explained, "Elder Cunningham, Elder Poptarts, Elder Schrader- All of us are supportive of you. We all know anyway, so you don't have to worry about coming out."

"It doesn't make it any less stressful. I still need to officially come out. And Elder Schrader left, remember? And I think Elder Michaels and Elder Davis are homophobic or something- so they aren't going to be helpful."

"They grew up in really strict and traditional families."

"We all did. Elder Michaels and Elder Davis just never moved past it."

"Well, up until this morning, you were the same. Anyways, do you have any proof that they are?"

"I... I just know. It's gay instincts?? I think."

"Con, I'm pretty sure that doesn't exist." Laughed Kevin

Connor sighed. "Just trust me."

After walking a little farther, Kevin placed a hand on Connor's hip.

Connor flinched at the contact. "Kevin!" He Hissed, "We're in public! You can't do things like that!"

"Sorry." Kevin let his hand fall back down to his own side. "But if we weren't in public...?"

"I'd kill you. That's what I'd do." Laughed Connor.

"Fierce."

Connor lightly hit Kevin's shoulder. "Knock it off."

"I love you."

"Love you too Kev." Connor quickly kissed Kevin on the cheek.

" Connor quickly kissed Kevin on the cheek  
Kevin blushed. "Let's go inside- I'm sure the others are wondering where we are." Kevin placed his hand on the door knob of the mission house.

"I thought we told them where we were going?"

"I know- it's just more of like a 'of they've been gone for a while- I wonder where they went' type thing." Kevin explained as he opened the door.

Elder Michaels was sitting in the living room and seemed to mouth the words "I told you so." to Elder Church. Elder Church responded with an eye roll. He got up to speak with Connor and Kevin.

"Hey- can I speak with you two outside?" Elder Church hissed under his breath.

Oh no- what did we do? Did he see us kiss- is he going to tell everyone els-

"Elder McKinley." Elder Church said- halfway out the door with Kevin following behind.

When they made it outside Elder Church began to rant:

"Elder Price and Elder McKinley- I am disappointed in the both of you. You," he gestured to Connor, "were so close. Yet here you are- making out and having sex with a man- not to mention another Elder?! Control yourself Elder McKinley. If you truly wish to do these things- at least do it in private, not in front of the mission house. You have to remember what Heavenly Father wants of you!"

"Elder Church-" Kevin began before being interrupted by Connor.

"What do you mean having sex? Me and Kevin... we're not- doing that. I still believe the whole wait 'till marriage thing Elder Church."

Kevin- whom looked a bit lost in thought (and was kinda blushing a little), didn't respond.

"Well, I'm glad you're still somewhat keeping your morals." Elder Church began. "But what were you doing in Elder Price's room? You were there for a few hours."

Connor put his hands up defensively. "Sleeping! We were sleeping."

Elder Church looked unconvinced. "Listen- I'm not going to sugarcoat things. Everyone in the mission house already thinks you two are, you know- doing things. So I don't know how y'all will explain yourselves."

Connor sighed. "I don't know either. I guess I'll just ignore them?"

Kevin patted Connor on the back. "That works. It's not like they're bothering us with it."

Connor laughed nervously. "Yeah." He shifted his weight to his left foot. "Could we go inside? It's really hot out."

"Oh- yeah. Sorry." Elder Church said and opened the door.

Connor and Kevin quickly made their way to Connor's room. While that didn't help with the suspension- it was one of the almost soundproof rooms in the house, so the two could talk without worry of eavesdroppers.

<>

"Jesus- we've only been together for a day or two and they already think we're fucking."

Connor winced. "Please don't use that word- it's so crude."

Kevin apologized. He then proceeded to place Connor's bracelet on a chair in the room. "The others are weird- people in a brand new relationship hang out for a few hours and people already think that they're having sex. It's kinda stupid," Kevin laughed.

Connor sat down on his bed. "Right? Like two men can't even have sex- like how do they think it works?" He laughed.

Kevin looked at Connor. "Connor- you do know that two men are able to have sex right?" He said in a serious tone. "It's not only for straight people."

"Sure they can," Connor rolled his eyes.

"Con, I'm serious." Kevin sat down on the chair across from the bed.

"Well- even if you were. How do two men do it- you can't put a penis inside a penis. I mean- you can but that just sounds painful, not enjoyable."

Kevin at that moment realized that he might have to explain gay sex to his very new boyfriend. "...Connor- 1. That's not how it works and 2. I care about you and all- but I think you need to figure it out on your own. I don't necessarily feel comfortable explaining this to you. I think you'll just have to look it up and figure it out yourself."

"I don't own a phone. My parents just said I'd have to use a friend's if I needed something."

Kevin hid his phone in his pocket, contemplating on whether to give it to Connor or not. "It's not that important- you don't need to know right now."

"Kevin." Connor leaned towards him. "Please...?"

Kevin was blushing just thinking about it. "Aren't you disgusted by this type of thing?"

Connor lightly laughed, "What do you think happens in my hell dreams?"

"Oh. OH." Kevin exclaimed. "Then why don't you know???"

"Well- there has to be more than just oral."

"Are your hell dreams just you getting blowjobs?"

Connor shook his head. "No no- it's actual traumatic stuff too, just sometimes... you know." Plus I'm not the one receiving oral- but he doesn't need to know that.

<>

Kevin got up and sat down next to Connor. He laid his head on his shoulder. "Hopefully the nightmares leave you."

"And the same for you when you sleep."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism is always welcome!

**Author's Note:**

> I Hope you enjoy the story!


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